The Importance in Being Intentional

Before we begin the discussion on the importance of being intentional, it is important that we understand the impact of being unintentional (tolerating people at best) when people approach us, or reach out to connect.

When people feel tolerated at best, it can feel frustrating or disheartening, especially when you’re trying to connect or communicate sincerely. It can feel like you’re not being valued in that moment.

Being unintentional with people can be hurtful, especially when it’s coming from someone you look to for guidance and support, such as a church leader. Church leaders often hold a position where they’re expected to lead with empathy and attentiveness, and when that’s missing, it can feel like a betrayal of their role, and it can make a person feel devalued.

Something to Consider

Try not to judge–If it’s a recurring issue, sometimes it helps to pause the conversation and gently address it. You could say something like, “Hey, I want to make sure we’re both here in this conversation. Is now a good time to talk?” This gives them a chance to refocus or let you know if they’re distracted.

Other times, it’s just about recognizing that their lack of attention may have more to do with their state of mind than anything personal.

It might help to gently approach them in private and share how you’re feeling. For example, you could say something like, “I value our conversations, but sometimes I feel like I might not have your full attention. I just wanted to share how that’s been impacting me.” If they’re a good leader, they’ll want to hear you out and work to improve that connection.

It’s also important to remember that their behavior doesn’t reflect a person’s worth. People deserve to feel heard and valued, no matter who they’re speaking to.

The Power of Genuine Attention – Reflecting Christ in Our Interactions

“Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger” (James 1:19) ESV.

The word of God emphasizes the value of listening and being fully present (being intentional) with others. As followers of Christ, we are called to reflect His love in our interactions. However, when we fail to give genuine attention to others, we risk making them feel unseen, unheard, and unvalued—a stark contrast to the way Jesus engaged with people.

1. Jesus Modeled Genuine Attention

Throughout His ministry, Jesus consistently showed what it means to give undivided attention, even in the midst of busy and chaotic circumstances.

• The Woman with the Issue of Blood (Luke 8:43-48): While surrounded by a pressing crowd, Jesus stopped everything when a woman in need touched His garment. Instead of moving on, He turned, acknowledged her, and affirmed her faith.
• Zacchaeus (Luke 19:1-10): Though surrounded by a crowd, Jesus saw Zacchaeus in the tree, called him by name, and engaged with him personally.

Jesus’ interactions teach us that true ministry happens when we slow down, notice individuals, and honor their presence.

2. The Power of Being Present

When we truly listen and give our attention, we communicate love and respect. Proverbs 18:13 (ESV) reminds us, “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.” Genuine listening requires humility and a willingness to set aside distractions.

In contrast, inattentiveness can wound others deeply. Ecclesiastes 3:7 (NIV) reminds us that there is “a time to be silent and a time to speak”—indicating that attentiveness and presence are essential for meaningful relationships.

3. The Responsibility of Leaders

Church leaders bear a unique responsibility to reflect Christ in their relationships with others. Hebrews 13:17 reminds leaders to shepherd with care and accountability.

• Neglecting to Be Present Can Harm Ministry: When leaders fail to give their attention, it can make others feel overlooked and undervalued, potentially hindering their spiritual growth.
• A Leader’s Call to Humility: 1 Peter 5:2-3 (ESV) instructs leaders to shepherd “not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock.” Genuine care is reflected in attentiveness to those they serve.

4. Practical Steps for Reflecting Christ’s Attention

For all believers, but especially for leaders, giving genuine attention is a practice that requires intentionality and grace. Here are steps to align our interactions with Christ’s example:

a. Prioritize the Person in Front of You:

• Remove distractions, such as phones or external worries, and focus fully on the conversation.
• Remember Philippians 2:3 (ESV): “In humility count others more significant than yourselves.”

b. Acknowledge the Heart Behind Words:

• Listening isn’t just about hearing words; it’s about discerning feelings and needs.
• Proverbs 20:5 (ESV): “The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.”

c. Practice Empathy:

• When someone feels unseen, acknowledge their feelings and affirm their worth.
• Romans 12:15(ESV): “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.”

d. Seek Forgiveness and Reconciliation When Needed:

• If inattentiveness has caused hurt, own it. Apologize and commit to doing better.
• Matthew 5:23-24 reminds us of the importance of reconciliation in relationships. If it’s this important to God to be reconciled with our brother, it should be really important to us.

5. Encouragement for Those Who Feel Overlooked

If you’ve ever felt hurt by someone’s lack of attention, especially a church leader, know that Jesus sees you.

• Psalm 34:18 (NIV): “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
• Remember that your worth isn’t dependent on someone else’s attentiveness but is rooted in God’s unchanging love for you.

Our Great Challenge

Let us strive to be people who give others our full attention, reflecting the love and care of Christ in every interaction. Whether we are leaders, friends, or family members, may we model the heart of Jesus, who always saw and valued those around Him.

Paul lists some virtues we should reflect in Colossians 3:12 (ESV), “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience.”

By being fully present, we can be the hands and feet of Jesus in a world longing to be seen and heard.